My name's Rocelle, but I use my screen name 'celrose' most of the time. I play a lot, eat a lot, sleep a lot and complain about the stupidest things.
I'm a struggling college student from the national university. I'm old enough but still very immature. I'm diligent enough when it comes to something I love. I'm very lazy when it comes to responsibilities but I mostly get them done eventually.
What else, what else?
Date someone who is interested in you. I don’t mean someone who thinks you’re cute or funny. I mean someone who wants to know every insignificant detail about you. Someone who wants to read every word you write. Someone who wants hear every note of your favourite song, and watch every scene of your favourite movie. Someone wants to find every scar upon your body, and learn where each one came from. Someone who wants to know your favourite brand of toothpaste, and which quotes resonate deep inside your bones when you hear them. There is a difference between attraction and interest. Find the person who wants to learn every aspect of who you are, and hold onto them.
I’m still doing great. School’s a little hectic but I’m still coping well. I still wake up early to my classes which is very unlike me. I thought I’d cave in and crack after more than a month in school but here I am. For the past two nights I’ve been hanging around though. I got back to playing when I shouldn’t. What planned to be a 2 hour session ended up becoming 6. I lost control, I’ll admit. But I still got up for my morning classes. A close one. There’s this thing about an all girl team some people are planning and I thought I’d give it a shot. I mean, why the hell not. I already scheduled everything so that what happened in the past two nights won’t happen again. I’m still trying to discipline myself and these past few week’s resolve would easily crumble if I ever continue my dotes night out thing. This, my education, is something I wouldn’t want to fuck up. I’d give myself the weekend to play but not on school nights.
The thing is, gaming has really helped me get my mind off things. I don’t have time to dwell and over-think on the bad things because my mind is preoccupied. I tend to be less insecure and emotional. I’m more confident and I smile a lot. I’m happy. For those fleeting moments, I forget about my worries and enjoy myself. I’m not saying I’m not happy with other things, of course I am, but gaming takes hours and that means I don’t have to endure having to spend time with myself over-thinking.
This month’s been interesting. A lot’s been bothering me but I mostly blame my insecurities. Words have been spoken, heart got hurt and I’m still fucking scared. You’ll never know; you wake up one day and everything’s gone.
I haven’t been writing lately. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. I’m still alive though. There are still random bursts of insecurities here and there. Even more random tears shed. But I’m happy. I’m glad my life’s doing great right now.
I got pretty worked up since the weekend. A lot has been going on and I can’t seem to will myself to write about a particular event, even in my personal journal. I woke up at 4 this morning having panic attacks and flashbacks and I ended up crying. God I am so tired of crying all the time. Everything’s fine. Everything seems fine. I’m just really scared and worried. Maybe it’s the hormones. I hope so.